We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
