yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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