Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
