I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
