I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
