Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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