I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
