I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
