theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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