ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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