Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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