I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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