They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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