Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
