Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
