Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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