Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
