Umm I'm too high to move.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
