Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
