Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
