The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize