why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
