she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
