I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
