So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
