i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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