We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
