You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
