Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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