Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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