My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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