I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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