I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
