I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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