did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
