i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
