if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
