I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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