The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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