Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
