Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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