party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
