I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I die, sorry about rent.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
