Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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