mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
