you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
