While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
