I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize