I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nicole vs. Life
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
