They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
