I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
