I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
