You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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