Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
