physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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