I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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