Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
two words: eviction party
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
