i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
