So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
