Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
