I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish i was in the wii world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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