there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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