she was so not down for the gang bang
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
