I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
