THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
