There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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