if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
