Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
