marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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