You work out of a Hotel?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
