You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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