I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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