Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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