I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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