please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
