i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
