I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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